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Being a Feminist is Hard and Other Thoughts from a Filmic Female Dreamer

Prepare for a post full of paradoxes. About time I gave meaning to the shitty, nonsensical title I gave this blog when I was 14 and impaired by my Inception obsession.


I swore I would never write a big post on the state of feminism/females in the film industry. But after Ryan, who will forever be the rabbit I chase (not insinuating you are a rabbit, Ryan, but you get the metaphor Im heading for here), posted a piece on Lena Dunham not pushing her case for females being given opportunities in the whole entertainment industry hard enough, I chimed in on the comments section. And hey, in the two hours of lectures that came after that comment, I decided I want to make a post on this ongoing saga.

Ive never seen anything Lena Dunham has done apart from This is 40. Girls has been on my watchlist but considering I still havent seen Game of Thrones season three, I dont think Ill be getting around to it any time soon. So really, I cant judge her standings on anything, but she did raise some valid points at SXSW where she noted that Adam Driver is getting some great role offers, yet the central female cast are not. Ryan said that Lena should aspire to write about more females rather than the ones she knows of. Fair points all round.


This is where I stand on feminism. You probably know by now that I want to be a filmmaker. Its leaning more towards writing screenplays because I want to write about females. The reason that I want to be a filmmaker stems back to the literal moment that Kathryn Bigelow won an Oscar for Best Director in 2010 (though she did win for a largely "male" film, which critics are quick to point out, but AT LEAST IT HAPPENED). Late last year, likely due to procrastination, I found myself reading Indiewire religiously, especially the Women in Hollywood/other pieces on women. Anything else I could find on the internet about this topic, I would read. I still do it. However, as this is inspiring and fuels my aspirations more, its also poisonous.



I dont claim to know what it is like in the film industry for a filmmaker, and maybe in 20 years if I ever do achieve my dream my tune will be changed. But I feel like all we ever do is talk about these problems. Sure, its great to talk. Its what Im doing right now. If I were to ever become famous enough to do a Ted Talk or something (which is one of my many weird aspirations), this is what Id be saying:

Continuing to talk about these problems with a low rate of females in the film industry is like that eight year old girl who begs her parents to let her have a pony but she lives on the 10th floor of an apartment building in the middle of a city. But she wants one just because that’s the thing you want when you’re an eight year old girl. If she were to have the pony, she’d have to go live on a farm, go back to the grassroots, and work hard to look after that pony. What we need to do is go back to the root of the problem and start again. Work hard to preserve what we want if we want it enough. Creating the opportunities instead of settling with the opportunities made available to us. Because that girl is never going to get a pony on that 10th floor. If she really wanted it, she’d have to create her own opportunities and work hard to preserve it. Im not saying that the eight year old girl can go out and buy a farm, but its not entirely impossible either. Her parents may keep telling her no, and then all of a sudden when that girl is able to buy her own farm, she no longer wants to have a pony. If we keep pointing out the flaws in the system, were going to stop wanting to fix them.

Perseverance is key. The uncompromising power that you threaten the normal with is key. Creating the opportunities that you want to see, instead of talking about them for many people to go "hey, cool idea kid", but they dont actually do anything about them.





But hey, who am I to talk? Im not a filmmaker. I dont even fully believe in my dream (thanks to other poisonous ideals that come with the film industry). If I still persevere with this dream, this is the change Id like to see. All I have to do is think back to moments like Kathryn Bigelow winning an Oscar, Cate Blanchett outing the sexism in Hollywood in her Oscar acceptance speech, Jessica Chastains character in Zero Dark Thirty, the filmographies of the likes of Blanchett, Chastain, Katharine Hepburn, Meryl Streep, Amy Adams etc etc etc to see that great stuff has happened, so instead of complaining, lets persevere.





And yet, the biggest flaw in the system is that we constantly have an arrow in the back of these mythical "strong female characters". You wanna know one of the most underrated characters of 2013? Margot Robbie as Naomi in The Wolf of Wall Street. Here we have a film clearly about misogyny, and an extremely misogynistic man, and in the middle of all this we have this woman who fits Jordan Belforts misogynistic ideals. People were quick to comment on the fact that Margot doesnt wear much in the way of clothing, but heres what she has to say:

"As for my character in particular, the nudity and the sexual side to her is her main power over Jordan. She uses that to manipulate men to get what she wants. That’s her form of currency in a world where she’s surrounded by millionaires, and she’s come from nothing. She didnt have any money whatsoever. That’s how she became a millionaire, you know? So she definitely wouldnt see it that way. She wouldnt feel sorry for herself for having to take her clothes off. She would do that willingly. In fact, she would pity the men that are dumb enough to fall for it. It’s her form of power, so it wouldnt feel exploitative for my character at all."

Shes just as materialistic and money-obsessed as Jordan, just in a different way. And at the end of the film, the domestic violence comes into play and that became a big controversy, but does that mean that Naomi loses her power over Jordan? Is she weak? No and no. Shes a fighter, Jordan is a heinous and disgusting man. And yet, all anyone wanted to talk about were all her nude scenes, and how that weakened her "feminist standing". She made a complete fool of Jordan and his stupid ideals! Also, it was a perfect deconstruction of the "trophy wife" being a part of the prized American Dream. We see her right from her introduction into the dream and how she gets out of it.

The "strong female character" is something that makes it so hard to be a feminist. Critics are quick to say that Katniss Everdeen is a great female character because shes strong, but shes weakened by her love triangle. As soon as men come into play, females lose their "strength". Maybe its because of an over-saturation of romantic comedies. But, I dont know, just because Im a female who might be in love with a guy, does that all of a sudden mean that Im a weaker human being? Feminism and the "strong female character" seems bent on erasing males. If its equality youre looking for, you may as well show how they can balance and co-exist and stop trying to have them in a power play thats all based on strength. Weak women are interesting. Powerful women are interesting. Weak women pretending to be powerful are interesting. WOMEN CAN BE INTERESTING. You just need to give them a chance to be interesting.


Also, "strong female character" is basically a synonym for "female character given male qualities to be seen as strong". Can we stop with this notion that males are the end all of strength? MALES AND FEMALES ARE DIFFERENT KINDS OF PEOPLE. This does not mean that they arent equal. Just because a woman puts a lot of effort into her appearance, is scared of breaking her nails, dyes her hair all the time, wears lots of make-up does not mean that she isnt strong. In fact, actresses are the strongest of all because they have to put up with the bullshit Hollywood standards. Thats another post in itself (because the tabloid industry is just ridiculously sexist). Just dont ever think for one second that making a female character with solely male sensibilities will make them a "strong female character". A woman can break down crying if she wants to (case in point: people who didnt understand why Maya was crying at the end of Zero Dark Thirty). A woman can pin all her hopes on a man if she wants to. A woman can yell and scream until she gets what she wants. The moment you start looking for the qualities of a "strong female character", youve lost a good female character.

Lets stop pretending like females dont happen in Hollywood. They have before, they are now. Lets keep persevering and stop poisoning.

Otherwise, people like me wont want to write films about female characters because we dont want them to be so dependent on males. We want to make them appropriations of all of these contradictory feminist ideals, so much so that they arent human. Everyones so quick to say that theres a right and wrong way of writing female characters. And its awfully restricting.

We are never going to have a perfect balance. We are never going to have equal opportunities. But to have people actually trying is better than nothing.

One last thing: it isnt the fault of women that theyre under-represented in films. If we spent all of our energy waiting for the person at fault to fix their wrongs, were going to be waiting an awful long time. Be the change you want to see. Thats all there is to it.

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Bast and Other Cat History

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Beautiful Design Other News

 

I wasn’t going to show another Houston designer so soon, but it makes sense because of the connection between Ashley Goforth and her former employer, Shabby Slip’s Renea Abbott.  Ashley worked for Renea for a few years and you can see how much she learned from the master. Because Renea is THE MASTER. 

Oh my gawd.  No one gets it so right like Renea.   She has an incomparable eye for choosing gorgeous antiques for her clients and her shop.   She refined the art of slip covers over 20 years ago and today – her slips are more like works of art.  And art.  She choses the most perfect works of art to enhance her interiors.  Her upholstery furniture is beautiful.   Her light fixtures, her accessories – all wonderful. And finally – her interiors are masterful! 

A trip to her shop rivals a shopping excursion  anywhere.   Simply put, Renea is talented and she has “it” in spades.  Besides her talent – she has charisma – with an infectious personality and a beautiful face, along with a knack for looking good without really looking like she tried, she’s the whole package and a very attractive package of talent and personality.  So. Yes. I’m in awe.

The other day I saw a room on Pinterest that I hadn’t seen before and it took me back to Shabby Slips’ portfolio – it  had been a while since I last visited their web site and with three new projects – it’s  pure eye candy.  

Here’s a glimpse:

 

This is the photo that stopped me in my tracks on Pinterest.  I mean – that ottoman!!!  This is what sets Renea apart from other pretenders. That ottoman!!!!   Stunning.

 

And it’s not just the ottoman, but I love the art work.  And the sofa – with the extravagant gilt frame.  And the perfect club chairs.  And the white curtains with the trim that flanks the sofa.  And the light fixture.  Perfection!

 

 

And this bedroom – in black and white – with brown.  Notice how the wood stain picks up the gilt color in the mirror and the light fixture and the tiger pillow.  Little details like that are note worthy.   See how the chests pop in the room – and without using a tacky yellow fabric, she brings the hue in with furniture and architectural elements.  It’s so elegant and sophisticated. 

 

OK.   Yes.  I know.  I know.   What Is This?!?!?!   Besides the most gorgeous hunk of marble ever.   A sink.  Only Renea.  And notice the restraint in the sconces.  She knows when to keep it quiet so the marble and mirror shine.  Just beautiful.

To see the rest of the house, visit Shabby Slips’ web site:  HERE.

 

In this second house – the living room has very dark gray walls with white sofas and silk tiger velvet mixed with beautiful antique mirrors and statuary.  Very chic tables sit under the mirrors.  And that painting.  I love it! 

       

Another view – where you can see the graphic prints on this wall.

 

The dining room continues with the dark walls and white fabrics.   In this room, an antique console keeps the room from being too contemporary.  It’s a mix – a ying and a yang – modern furniture mixed with antique pieces that are handpicked by Renea for their beauty and their uniqueness.

 

In the kitchen – a wall of white tiles next to the deep gray cabinets.  I like how just the tops are exposed – to show off a few white pieces, without too much of the clutter of open shelving.

 

The master bedroom has the deep gray walls with a fabulous chandelier – and an oversized bench in white leather.  The dark walls are unexpected here – against the rustic beams, but that’s why it works so well.  It’s not what you would expect – it’s a surprise and it makes a bedroom more interesting.

 

Another view shows off the extraordinary mirror – and notice the wood bed. 

To see more of the house – go HERE.

 

For this beach house – the aesthetic is more relaxed and tropical.  Here two slipcovered sofas sit near breezy sheer curtains and antique stools.

 

The breakfast rooms shows off Renea’s signature slipped covered chairs and a wood table.

 

This powder room is another unique one.  Notice the console and the wall faucet.   And I love the mix of the Venetian style mirror with the brass.

To see more of this house go HERE.

 

Shabby Slips is located on Bissonnet in Houston – Renea has set the shop up in vignettes that look as nice and finished as in a house.

 

That chair!  Wonderful pops of orange velvet.  And I love the tufting on the antique settee’s frame.

 

Besides the main shop, there is the large annex out back.   I see so many things I would love for clients!!

 

       Can’t make it to Houston?  You can go shopping on their web site – here is a sampling of their antique furniture.    To see more and get directions, visit the Shabby Slips web site – HERE.

A huge thanks to Renea Abbott!!

 

Next: everyone’s favorite stylist and designer, Eddie Ross, has a book coming out this October!  I got an advance copy and it is a great how-to book on estate sales, accessories, restoring antiques, decorating and styling – all the things that Eddie Ross is famous for.

 

Here’s a picture from Eddie and Jaithen’s country house – Pine Hill.  Filled with goodies acquired over the years – Eddie explains how to get the same treasures – point by point and what to do with them afterwards.   I loved all the tips and I really loved getting to see their fabulous country house!! 

To pre-order, click on the book below:

 

And finally – if you are a long time reader, you will know that Houston interior designer Ginger Barber is involved with rescuing horses – abused and neglected ones, through the horse sanctuary Habitat for Horses.   Ginger not only raises money for Habitat for Horses, but she also gives her personal time, working at the stables, feeding, cleaning, and nurturing the horses back to health.  It’s not easy work, especially in the hot Texas sun, but it is an important labor of love and devotion for Ginger.

 

A few months ago over 200 abused, starved and neglected horses were seized in Conroe, Texas.  A judge gave the Houston SPCA protection over the neglected horses, and of those, he placed 20 pregnant, sick mares with Habitat for Horses.  The original owners of the horses tried to retain them – but the judge ruled against the couple, citing the inhuman treatment and extreme cruelty they subjected the horses to. 

Habitat for Horses will do everything possible to save and rehabilitate these 20 mares and all the other horses already under their care.   Their motto is “no horse should have to suffer neglect and starvation.”

Go HERE to watch a short video about these 20 horses and Habitat for Horses.

To read the story about this in The Examiner – go HERE. 

As you might expect, Habitat for Horses is in dire need of donations to help with the rehabilitation and medical treatment of these mares.  If you could find it in your heart to make a donation, please go HERE.

Thank you so much for your generosity.   

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